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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Signs that your friend who’s a Rangers’ “fan” is not actually a Rangers fan

Opening day/week and all its start-of-the-season  excitement brings Rangers fans out of the woodwork!  So do playoffs and/or the possibility for playoffs.  All of a sudden, a guy at work tells you he's tailgating for Opening Day (Are you going to the game?).  And your new girlfriend shows you her new Rangers t-shirt (it's bedazzled!).  And the cashier at the grocery store sees your ball cap and 12-pack and asks if you're going home to watch the game (They're good this year!)...and...okay, you get it.  So how do we know if they are Rangers fans or Rangers "fans"?  

Fortunately, 162+ is here to help.  Here are your signs that the Rangers "fan" you know, is not actually a Rangers fan:  

1.  They ask “Do the Rangers play today?” – EVERYDAY.

It's a 162-game season...chances are YES, they do play today.

2.  They also ask “What channel are the Rangers on?” – EVERYDAY.

- There are only, maybe five (at most!) options here.  And for most games, it's just two options.  ALSO, don't you have a guide function on your cable box?-

3.  They think Nolan Ryan has always “owned” the team.

 Dubya, anyone?

4.  They wonder “Arlington Stadium?  Are they building a new park?”

It was kind of a hole, wasn't it?  You could get loud on those metal bleachers though.

5.  They think Mike Napoli is the best catcher in Rangers history.  

Mike Napoli...yeah, ok...

6.  They think Nelly Cruz was nicknamed after that hot dog.

The man was NOT named for a hot dog.  He just wasn't.

7.  You mention Kenny Roger’s perfect game and they ask you, “The country singer?”

No, not him.


8.  So then you mention “The Red Baron” and they start talking about WWI…or worse…Snoopy.

Rusty freaking Greer; The Red Baron.

9. When calling/texting you during a game, they ask you how many “points” the Rangers have.

-There's almost nothing to say here.  Your best bet is to just tell them the score and walkaway.    FOR-EV-ER.-

And the topper of all toppers:

10.  They ask you when halftime is!  

- See #9.-

Honorable Mention: 
  • They ask you why there's no game clock, OR
  • They ask, "When will the game be over?" - before it starts
  • They think the Washington Senators are a team in another sports league

It's all fun and games until it happens to you.  And I promise you, all of the above things have happened.  TO ME.  Save yourselves and get out at the first sign of trouble. 

OR...send 'em over to 162+...we'll guide 'em to the light.

7:05 is game time.  The youngster Tepesch is on the hill.

155 to go!  Let's go get 'em!

(So, yes, there is a game tonight...and it's on FSSW).

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